Welcome, Monsieur, sit yourself down
And meet the best innkeeper in town.
As for the rest, all of 'em crooks:
Rooking their guests and crooking the books.
Seldom do you see
Honest men like me,
A gent of good intent
Who's content to be
Master of the house, doling out the charm
Ready with a handshake and an open palm.
Tells a saucy tale, makes a little stir,
Customers appreciate a bon-viveur.
Glad to do a friend a favor.
Doesn't cost me to be nice,
But nothing gets you nothing.
Everything has got a little price!
Master of the house, keeper of the zoo,
Ready to relieve 'em of a sou or two.
Watering the wine, making up the weight
Pickin' up their knick-knacks when they can't see straight,
Everybody loves a landlord,
Everybody's bosom friend.
I do whatever pleases.
Jesus! Won't I bleed 'em in the end!
Master of the house, quick to catch yer eye,
Never wants a passerby to pass him by.
Servant to the poor, butler to the great,
Comforter, philosopher, and lifelong mate!
Everybody's boon companion
But lock up your valises.
Jesus! Won't I skin you to the bone!
Food beyond compare. Food beyond belief
Mix it in a mincer and pretend it's beef.
Kidney of a horse, liver of a cat
Filling up the sausages with this and that.
Residents are more than welcome.
Bridal suite is occupied.
Plus some little extras on the side!
Charge 'em for the lice, extra for the mice,
Two percent for looking in the mirror twice.
Here a little slice, there a little cut,
Three percent for sleeping with the window shut.
When it comes to fixing prices
There are a lot of tricks I knows,
How it all increases, all them bits and pieces.
Jesus! It's amazing how it grows!
Lauren Cazayoux purchased this apartment in 2001